Cowabunga! Casino

Saturday evening was truly indeed a night of infamy. Perhaps it was the alignment of the stars, or the galactic jet screams that were terrorizing my villa. The air smelled dirtier and more pungent that ever. The smell of gum smoke and booty coming from Detroit was liberating because, I was happy that I do not live in that cesspool-shit-on-the-red-wing-violating-crotch-gnawing hut. The mission was simple; Go to my house to unload the rations; Power-speed across the city for consumption (not to be confused with consummation).

Mid-point in the voyage a city-long roadblock appeared that rivaled all other roadblocks ever issued in a commonwealth country. Lauren and I began speculating on the cause of this atrocity. With delusions of hunger and fear, I started chanting a mantra at Lauren. I was praying to the God of Problems-that-cause-traffic-jams-- Luigi.

Finally, I came out of trance an hour later only to find myself amongst a crowd of dapper-looking citizens. I was at some type of dinner theater! I disturbed the buffet by gorging upon it. I formed a 2-foot stack of sustenance. I was slightly inebriated when the play commenced. As soon as I made myself comfortable however, the play ended. Apparently Windsor had set another record of having the shortest sub-par play. A sugar-depression washed over my body. A tripled in size and yelled: "Cowabunga with terror!" than was hit by a bolt of lightning which appeared to give me super powers at first, but actually almost exploded my heart. I layed quietly on the floor.

To recover, we hit the casino. Unfortunately, the place was packed with tens of thousands of clear-skinned old people that were chained to slot machines-- all chain-smoking and all loving it. The craps table summoned us as we browsed the casino's selection.

As soon as I stepped up to the table, lost everything in perhaps the blink-of-an-eye. Lauren however was battling hard. Hair-styled as if going into battle. Lauren took down the house. Since I was broke, I was hanging of her arm in a casino cliché reversal, and was kissing the dice for good luck. It was an intense match that aroused many. Such an intense moment that I now smoke three packs a day and have ED.

After going to the hospital for exhaustion we headed home for the night.

Countless records and emotions broken. The night will live in infamy.