Risky: A Historic Night

Where does one begin after he has experienced so much in a night? First and foremost, the biggest news would have to be the complete global domination that was achieved on the night of November 21, 2005. Is he DAFT?!? You ask. No, he replies. Of course what I’m referring to is my victory in the risk tournament. An epic battle of mass proportions, to say the least.

The match began with a power struggle between myself and some other subordinate for North America—a key continent in my grand scheme. Thus, my terrified and pants-peed troops first saw battle in the battle for “Rabbit nuts” but managed to pull-off the victory, and hold the continent. My associate and unknown ally, Corporal Mallinkovson suffered massive casualties early on in the war. As a result, the Corporal spun into a vodka-induced depression of spousal abuse, and childhood night terrors. However, his fleet managed to survive the first two winters of battle. The alliance between us formed on the eve of battle when the Corporal and I were sharing a milkshake and decided to have a love child of war.

Tension between the four remaining players grew with hunger for a pizza that arrived two years late (Risk time). Specifically tension between the Corporal and I became butter-thick, as a DNA test showed that the war/love child was that of another General. Thus, the battle of “Mud” takes place (the battle was named “Mud” because the soldiers heard that there was rice in the. Over-fought and under-nourished, the soldiers feasted on mud for the entire ten-month battle). As it turns out, The Mallinkovson fleet had eaten too much mud, and died of natural causes. This left General T a clear shot at domination. Tired and awkwardly aroused, the quest of the “Grey Cloud” commenced. An overwhelming forced of “Kazis” swallowed the opposition as if the were mud-rice. Within months the world belonged to the General. With Corporal Mallinkovson trapped in Australia, General T cleverly intercepted all supplies going into the country. On November 21, 2005, Corporal Josh Mallinkovson was forced at mud-point to sign the “treaty of twenty” which stipulated that the victory and riches would be awarded to General Tamasauskas. Unfortunately, General T had the Corporal wrongfully executed when he was getting a foot massage from the Corporal’s wife.