Dead Pigeon impact

I don't know about you guys, but I have been encountering an above average amount of pigeon carcasses through out my daily stride. This cracked my heart into three portions for I have a mixed history with the pigeon race. The event which comes to mind haunts my ever step. One crisp morning in the city of Toronto (the pigeon capitol of Canada) there stood what must have been an average one-pound pigeon smoking what appeared to be the butt of a homeless man's cigarette. As I stepped closer to the purple civilian pigeon, I noticed that he had planted himself directly in my path. Well, the divine magics of the universe guided my foot as I attempted the scare the pigeon with a strategic fake-kick. Clearly this stunt allowed for me the pass my scavenging acquaintance. I was able to go on with my life as if nothing happen. SO I THOUGHT!!!!!

The next day, as I walked carefully towards the subway station, a chill like no other washed over my body like someone pan-seared my confidence-meat, a feeling I had not felt since the past morning when I was in the Mexican standoff with the Pigeon. Not knowing what to do, or who to call, I froze. I then unfroze and started charging heroically down the street (in order to evade my impeding doom). Not one second past before I felt it. I felt it people! At first I was too stunned to understand what exactly occurred. I started spiraling into depression as the ordeal sunk in. The pigeon had KICKED me!!! Me!!! He swooped in, and kicked my head. To this day I don't know if it was the same pigeon, or a colleague of the pigeon that I had attempted to kick.

So learn from my mistake people, don't try and kick pigeons, or homeless people for that matter, they might shit liquor on you. by-the-way, gross.

So if any pigeons read this, stop dying because I'm sick of the painful memories.